There is No Ugly Man, Good Sex, Money or Both Will Get You Any Woman

When the awful news that a daughter of the Keroche empire had demised hit social media, many took it with perturbation.

Then the sobs turned into “Wtf!!” when photos of the man she was dating and who was with her when she had the accident began to surface. The man, if I might be subtle with the adjectives, looks like a caveman deprived from the perks of civilization.

He is way older, in his 50s, rugged, looks unkempt. He reels of the stench that is only synonymous with those found at the bottom barrel of the societal class. A woe begotten charlatan.

Many were gobsmacked at how Tecra Muigai Karanja, a young, stunning woman who studied at Greenwich University in the United Kingdom before moving for further education in Italy was dating this older and ‘dirty’ man who chewed Miraa daily.

A tale is churned about a beautiful wife who would not let her friends meet her new man. After cajoling, she agreed but placed a caveat that the anticipated new husband would not live up to the image her pals were conjuring up. Her friends thought that she was just bluffing because the assumption was that someone as pretty and accomplished as she was, could only be condemned to being bombarded by a horde of gorgeous men. When hubby eventually showed up, he was indeed an unattractive, rotund man with a face that only a mother would love. Her girlfriends had loud shocks screaming on their faces. How can love be so blind?

Listen gentlemen, those movie kind of good looks hardly count for much. Looks serve women well, but men? Looks will not give you a free pass in life if that’s all you have. That explains why men who wear unappealing faces always seem to be ahead of their counterparts in the race to garner social appeal. All a man has to be is confident and talented at anything and the issue of his looks hardly arises.

A confident man with a hunch back has a higher potential of getting laid more often than a good looking guy with no spine. Folks claim money is the deal breaker but confidence is the key.

Tecra and Omar

Two other things are often ignored but has seen ‘unlikely men’ bag women many would consider a good catch- great sex and humor. A woman will be enamored to a man who can make her laugh. And she will do almost anything for the bloke who discovers the ever elusive G-spot.

Yeah, that’s right. Good shaft is known to cause temporary insanity in most women. She will call you ten times in a row, leave back to back texts apologizing for mistakes she is yet to commit all because the thought of losing the man that makes her toes curl, the man that makes her eyes roll at the back of their sockets and sends her into transfiguration during sex freaks her out.

A man who knows how to use his third leg is a god. Many men are selfish in the sheets, to them, Cumming is your responsibility and they do not give a hoot. Find your way to cloud nine, how you get there is your business. Then there are those who think humping nonstop like a chameleon nods its head amounts to good romp. So when a woman finally finds a woman who worships her body like a temple and sends her to heaven with every thrust, best believe, he might have a personal face, could be older and everything but she is going to date him- PROUDLY.  

Come to think of it, what woman has ever found a moneyed man ugly or toxic? Same way men will marry a woman who can barely spell her name, cannot boil water without consulting Google as long as she has a fat ass and caramel skin complexion. The rest are incoherent gibberish, neither here nor there.

Listen to a woman describe her ideal man and you would be forgiven for thinking she is drawing a mental picture of a non-living thing.

‘Oh, I want a man who loves kids but has no baby mama drama has an intimate relationship with God, cuddles after coitus, squeezes the toothpaste from below, does not leave the toilet seat up, loves cats, moans during sex, can talk about the economic impact of Corona on Developing Nations, the spoilers in the Yemen Conflict, votes, works out, cooks, respects women but is not a mama’s boy…phew! We still counting!

The moment a financially handsome man comes long, even if he looks a Yoruba shrine sculpture of carved god, she will drop all her other ‘standards.’ An archetype woman will marry a financially buoyant man without giving a middle finger whether he is night runner, thief, rapist or bandit. A man could have the face of a bulldog and still have women muttering, “I know he is no Idris Elba but there is something sexy about him”

In this edifice we call life, you could be as ugly as a pandemic, but if you are rich, women will still find you ‘hot’. They always have something nice to say like, “aww, I love the way he breaths”!

Listen fellas, even if you look like Stevo Simple Boy, do not fret, you can still get that cover girl kind of damsel. That macho, well chiseled gym rat body may attract women, but it won’t hold them down for long. That pot belly can still get you laid, as long as you accessorize it with a charming personality, a soaring a career and a solid wallet, women will still fall over themselves for you.

Male physical attractiveness is only significant for artists. The rest of the male species outside the Soap Opera world, other things count.

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    Written by Paulette Gweth

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