Coming at a time when young ladies are accused of finding idols in salacious slaying queens while young men are swayed by ultra-masculinist vanguards like Andrew Kibe and Amerix, the stirring pot appears to have gotten more chaotic.
Popular online influencer and self-declared Tharaka Nithi youth leader Collins took to Twitter to declare that once girls start referring to you as toxic, there’s something you are doing right, and you shouldn’t stop. Likewise, he argued that once they refer to you as a real man, you’re simply being egged on. His tweet read,
Ukiskia unaitwa toxic Na wasichana, you’re on the right path, lakini ukiskia unachochwa vile wewe ni real man, you’re already manipulated to the core
Just to put it in context, while the dictionary definition of toxic is a poisonous substance with the synonyms: dangerous, unsafe, harmful, destructive and even malignant (with connotations of evil, or hateful), the Urban Dictionary gives a rather mellowed definition of a Toxic Person as being:
“Used to describe a person who is tainted by a subconscious malevolence or psychosis that affects the lives of those who come into contact with them.”
It is said, the so-called toxic people have been deeply hurt or are suffering themselves, and on some level are unable to take responsibility for that hurt and suffering and the subsequent problems that causes in their life. So they may typically project their behaviour onto others.
How do you know that you’re dealing with a toxic person or toxic relationship?
Here it’s useful to separate the behaviour of the toxic person from the behaviour you find yourself enacting when you’re dealing with it.
Toxic behaviour of the toxic person
Typically, the toxic person will exhibit some or all of the following characteristics.
Create drama in their lives and the lives of those around them. ‘You’ll never guess what’s happened to me again…!’
Be jealous and envious of others fortunes and complain about their own lot in life. ‘Well, you’re alright – things like that never happen to you.’
Try to manipulate or control others – ‘Don’t you find that so and so (whoever that might be) really gets on your nerves?’
Be very needy (it’s all about them!)
Use other people to meet their needs
Have very narcissistic parents who have fanned this behaviour, or indeed allowed it to go unchecked
Be extremely critical of themselves and others
May, in extremes, indulge in substance abuse or harm themselves in other ways
Not own their feelings – it’s someone else’s fault, or they will project their feelings and thoughts onto you. So, for example, if that person is angry they won’t take responsibility for the anger themselves rather they might accuse you of being angry with them. ‘What have I done to upset you today?’ – When you weren’t even aware of having done anything!
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