Witchcraft and sorcery are practiced in many distinct forms; save for the voodoo, playing wifey to a man for years only for him to drop you for a lass who can barely wipe her rear is equally a form of wickedness.
Acting wifey simply means going over to his place with those “nitalala wapi” handbags to spend days or even weeks cleaning, washing his undies, spending days mastering recipes and licking his lollipop.
If there is one thing that has eluded (wo)man since time immemorial, it is fathoming the thoughts of man. Women have failed to decipher why after years of prayers and fasting for the ring, he throws you the weak-ass crap of “baby its not you, its me.”
To cushion themselves from the pain that comes with the same, they’ve resolved to quit playing wives until a guy puts a ring on it.
Allow me posit my opine on the same. Ladies, play a wife but exercise moderation and play your cards right.
Every man under the sun wants a domesticated woman, even German Chancellor Angela Merkel cooks for her husband.
So yes, you can cook once in a while because how else would he know your cutlery skills? How would he comprehend you are a homemaker and a clean orderly woman if you don’t remove the cobwebs from his wall and arrange his wardrobe.
The catch however lies in various scenarios. For starters, you do not cook for a nigga you met on face book two weeks ago, no! Quit portraying yourself as desperate wife wannabe. Life doesn’t start and end with him getting hitched to you so if he says come over for the weekend, please pack out by Sunday evening or Monday morning.
Do not leave your panties, toothbrush or hair pin for next time especially if you guys are just starting out. Most men wear their hearts on their sleeves so if he wants you over next time, trust me girl, he’ll buy you a toothbrush and surprise you with undies.
Men love it when you put up a chase, you don’t have to be at his beck and call, invite him over to your place, do movies or something but if you are too eager to rush over to his house to Cook and bend over the whole night thinking it’ll get you marriage, utajiju.
Two, unleash those wifely skills synonymously with how serious he gets. You cannot be acting a wife to a man who you don’t even know his second name, where he comes from, no information on his background neither does anyone in his nuclear or extended family know you.
Stop cooking and ironing for a brother who cannot remember your birthday nor spell your maiden name. Let him earn it.
Even as you act a wifey, some things are a no no until he marries you. Top is getting paged, my friend, the worst mistake a woman can ever make is trap a man with a pregnancy. You might end up the jilted, bitter baby mama instead of the wife.
Define what you guys have, be open minded enough to accept when a man is having a fling with you or he is serious then draw your limits.
This thing of acting a wife when it is clearly he only wants the cooky jar only for you to make long post on face book that goes something like:
“I invested laughs, blood, sweat, tears, and years. And now, as I stare at my ring-less hand, I question not only my relationship but myself. For me, it was doing all of the things that a wife should do for her husband without being a wife. If I was real with myself, why would he ask me to marry him if he was already reaping the benefits? Men are DOGS!”
If all you offer is good romp and nothing more, get your share of the bargain and get moving. You can’t be doing his laundry while wincing knowing too well the main chic will be rolling on the same sheets you are vigorously washing.
Know your worth and tag a price; play wife only when he’s worth it.
And finally, as always I flip the coin. Girl, don’t bore us with shit saying you can’t play wife when in reality you don’t know how to act like one.
Don’t use I won’t excuse to hide the I can’t factor. If you have your own hustle, is emancipated, is homely and domesticated then you are a wife material and won’t need to try hard to impress.
But if you are a desperado doing the wife duties as a non verbal way of begging for marriage then its your shot to win; or if you are a lazy bum who doesn’t want to act domestic then get delivered in the Lord’s name.
Don’t go cleaning, cooking, sexing a man then he gives you two hundred bob fare ya Githurai ama Nduthi and you think unajipea marks. What he has is a house girl and call girl in one package.
Unafulia mtu jeans inakung’oa kucha na mmejuana two weeks hata hajui unatoka wapi?
Act a wife, it’s pertinent but only when he acts a man. What he gives is what he gets.
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